Next week is Christmas.
Which usually means things slow down on paper. Offices close. Emails ease. Deadlines soften.
But internally, a different conversation starts. What you’ll allow yourself to enjoy. What you’ll “undo” later. What you’ll quietly punish yourself for once January arrives.
I noticed how automatic that voice is in me.
I don’t rest because I choose to. I rest when the calendar gives me cover. When there’s a reason that makes it acceptable. Holidays. Illness. Exhaustion. Something that proves I didn’t just stop.
That’s the part that should bother us.
We don’t struggle with resting.
We struggle with allowing it without justification.
The cost isn’t laziness. It’s what happens when you keep making decisions while tired, tense, and self-monitoring. Judgment thins. Perspective narrows. You move, but in the wrong direction.
Christmas makes this visible because it removes the excuse to keep pushing.
This week isn’t about holding back or doing less “properly.” It’s about noticing how uncomfortable it feels to stop needing permission at all.
THE ONE INSIGHT
Rest feels uncomfortable, not because we don’t need it, but because we’ve tied our sense of control to constant self-monitoring.
When routines loosen, when deadlines pause, when no one is watching, a quiet anxiety appears. Not because something is wrong, but because identity has been built around effort, restraint, and being “on top of things.”
That’s why Christmas can feel strangely unsettling.
It removes the rules that usually tell us we’re doing life correctly.
And without rules, many people default to self-judgment. They track. They compensate. They plan corrections before anything has even gone wrong.
But enjoyment isn’t the risk.
Fragility is.
If your system collapses the moment the structure softens, the issue isn’t Christmas. It’s that rest has never been integrated properly into how you operate.
Being able to stop without spiralling is not indulgence.
It’s stability.
THE ACTION STEP
This is not a week for discipline or restraint. It’s a week for observation.
Noticing without correcting is the work.
For the next few days:
• When you feel the urge to mentally “balance” enjoyment, pause and do nothing instead. No fixing. No planning ahead.
• Pay attention to what triggers self-judgment most: food, time, rest, productivity, or comparison.
• Resist the urge to turn Christmas into a trial run for January. Let it be neutral.
You’re not proving anything this week.
You’re learning how much permission you still think you need.
That information matters far more than control ever will.
Merry Christmas, my friends. I hope the coming days are kind to you and spent with the people who make you feel most like yourself. I’ll be back with you again on Boxing Day.
My latest project…
A few days ago, I shared a short book about my weight loss and health journey, and the identity shift that made it possible.
Not the routines or the rules, but the internal changes that had to happen for me to stop cycling and start moving forward. I’m mentioning it here for anyone new, or anyone who wants to understand the deeper work behind sustainable change.
You can find it here if you want to read more.
Before You Go
I’ve been writing these pieces in the quiet, between school runs, work, and late-night thinking, but I’ve started sharing more of the journey in real time too. The reflections, the systems, the messier parts of reinvention that never make it into the newsletter.
If you want to follow along, you’ll find me here:
Come say hi. It’s less about followers, more about finding the others who are doing the invisible work too.
If something in this email made you pause, think, or feel seen, send it to a friend who’s been quietly trying to make a change, too.
You never know what might land at the right moment. Link here.
“Rest doesn’t need a reason to be valid.”