You don’t need a courtroom to feel judged. Your own body can do that before you even open your eyes.
Last week, I heard Amber Kotrri’s story, founder of House of Zana, the woman who walked into a tribunal with nothing but a folder of notes, while Zara, one of the biggest fashion companies in the world, arrived with a full legal team. It was meant to be a story about business and courage, but the moment that stayed with me wasn’t the victory. It was that image of someone standing alone in a room built to intimidate them, holding the smallest set of tools, yet refusing to shrink.
Because here’s the part most people never admit.
Every morning, long before the world sees you, you walk into your own private tribunal. You step into the day already scanning the evidence: the mirror, the tiredness, the habits you meant to build, the promises you meant to keep. You take one look at yourself and begin the quiet internal briefing: “I should be further by now. I should be stronger. I should have more control.”
And on the other side of the room sits the version of you that you think you’re supposed to be. Lighter. Fitter. More disciplined. A person who never slips, never wavers, never collapses under the weight of real life.
They have the full legal team: the pressure, the expectations, the perfection you grew up absorbing.
You walk in with a folder.
They walk in with an army.
Most people don’t lose the battle because they lack motivation.
They lose because they’ve already decided they’re the defendant.
THE ONE INSIGHT
The real struggle isn’t with food, routine, or motivation. It’s with the role you unknowingly assign yourself. When you step into that internal courtroom as the accused, every choice becomes evidence of failure. A skipped workout becomes “proof.” A heavy day becomes “lack of discipline.” A moment of exhaustion becomes “weakness.” You’re not evaluating your life; you’re building a case against yourself.
But here’s the truth most people never consider.
Your so-called “ideal self” isn’t a fair opponent. It’s a collage of every expectation you’ve ever absorbed from culture, family, fitness influencers, childhood messages, and the pressure to perform. It’s an opponent built from fantasy, not fact.
And every transformation collapses at the same point: the moment you try to become a new person while treating yourself like someone who’s already guilty.
Change doesn’t start with habits.
It starts with switching roles.
THE ACTION STEP
If there’s one shift that changes everything, it’s this: stop treating your transformation like a trial.
The goal isn’t to perfect yourself, punish yourself, or prove anything.
It’s to change the position you take in the room.
When you stop arguing against yourself and start advocating for yourself, habits stop feeling like battles and start feeling like agreements.
These steps are small, practical, and designed to interrupt the automatic judgment that drains your energy before you even begin.
Action Steps:
1. Identify the charge.
Write down the one area where you judge yourself the hardest: food, consistency, body, energy, routine, or sleep. Naming the exact “charge” exposes the pattern you’ve been punishing yourself for.
2. Change your role in the room.
Ask yourself one question: “If I were defending myself instead of criticising myself, what evidence would I bring?”
List three things you’ve done right that you normally dismiss. This flips the power dynamic instantly.
3. Make a single ruling for the next 30 days.
Choose one decision you will no longer debate until the challenge begins. A daily walk, a set bedtime, a morning check-in. No negotiations. No restarting the trial. One ruling, upheld consistently.
Most people think change begins with discipline.
It doesn’t.
It begins with refusing to walk into your own life as the defendant.
When your identity shifts, your habits follow.
And when your habits stop feeling like punishment, your momentum becomes inevitable.
Before You Go
I’ve been writing these pieces in the quiet, between school runs, work, and late-night thinking, but I’ve started sharing more of the journey in real time too. The reflections, the systems, the messier parts of reinvention that never make it into the newsletter.
If you want to follow along, you’ll find me here:
Come say hi. It’s less about followers, more about finding the others who are doing the invisible work too.
If something in this email made you pause, think, or feel seen, send it to a friend who’s been quietly trying to make a change, too.
You never know what might land at the right moment. Link here.
And if you’d like early access to the eBook I’m writing, the real systems, mindset shifts, and habits that helped me lose 50kg and rebuild my health, you can join the waiting list here. “You’re not behind. You’re building, and that takes time.”
“You can’t become a new person while treating yourself like old evidence.”